I’m sure according to the rules and/or laws of the internet, I should have posted this right on January 1st. Content creation is usually a gig that comes with a lot of restrictions, and things done out of necessity to feed the algorithm beast. Maybe if I cared more about that, I’d be kicking myself for publishing this on January 15th instead of the 1st, but I’m not. That wouldn’t really be in keeping with the entire concept behind this website, which is to live slowly and spend your time intentionally, as well as based on what you need in the current moment.
My last post was some time ago, but during my brief sabbatical I’ve been taking care of my mental health and frankly I think it’s a bit more important than posting to a blog that few people (as of now) are reading regularly. Even if there were hundreds or thousands of readers, I hope that I would have still made a similar choice (to take a break). I’m back at it now because I’ve begun re-entering a space of calm mind and a desire to write and create. I’m back because I feel like I have something to say.
During the end of the month of December, I realized that my body had certainly kept the score (great book I’m reading right now) from this year. It carried me through one of the most mentally challenging years of my life, and it did not do much to complain during that time (barring an embarrassing panic attack in my office in front of a colleague). However, once I made it through the high stress period of my year (spring, summer, and fall), it felt like things had slowed down enough to let me know how it really felt about what I’d put it through. (In a few words: not good.)
At the beginning of the year I knew I had two major milestones ahead of me: my wedding and my honeymoon. And I wanted to enjoy both of those experiences and be extremely present throughout them. I was so excited to get married, having been with my now husband for 14 years as of the month we got married (August). We had waited a long time for this day, and I wanted to soak it all in and just enjoy the experience. I can’t say to you in all honesty, reader, that I did enter into both of these experiences as clear-headed and relaxed as I’d been hoping. By the time we reached the wedding I was extremely burnt out but didn’t really perceive myself as such. Even so, I will say that thanks to my husband, I was clear-headed, present, and joyful on the day of our wedding.
A month later though, when anticipating getting on a flight for our two-week honeymoon in Italy, I was not clear-headed or joyful. I was extremely stressed and anxious and in a really poor headspace. And in some senses, I have only myself to blame. I took on way more than I could handle this year but I did it to help someone else whose needs I put above my own. This was ultimately my choice. And even though I still believe I did the right thing, my life in 2023 was anything but slow, anything but intentional. I bought this website in 2021 and had always planned to begin writing about slow living, but I felt like a fraud. I had not managed to find this lifestyle for myself, so who was I to tell other people how to live it?
I made promise after promise to myself that I would take action steps towards slowing down and letting myself take breaks when needed, that I would provide my body what it required, and that I would always prioritize my mental & physical health before anything else. In 2023, I broke all of those promises to myself. So my intention and focus, at least for the month of January (hopefully by the end of this month I’ll have learnt my lesson and can begin working on something new in February), is to keep all of my promises to myself. And so far, I have.
It’s cliche, but our relationship with ourselves really is the longest and most important we will ever have, so why let ourselves down time after time when we’d never do the same to our friends or family? I plan to be honest with myself about what I can commit to, and then keep that promise to me. I plan to honour myself and my desire to care for my body, mind, and spirit this month (and beyond).
Did you set a monthly intention for January? Or for 2024 as a whole? If so, I’d love to hear about it!
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